Monday, 25 April 2011

Toilet Humour with Asterix and Obelix

Here we are; I expected that I'd write another entry last week, but those plans ended up dead, gutted and fried in the pan. Things seem busy, and not necessarily in a bad way. Last Monday I travelled up to London's O2 with friends Sam and Andy to see WWE Raw live. We made a day of it, setting off at 10am. My day began in a hurry, as instead of pressing the 'snooze' button on my alarm clock, I turned it completely off, and woke up again at 9:45. I hopped in the shower, and got ready A.S.A.P. Andy picked me up and we headed to Sam's. Before setting off for London, Sam sorted his car at the local BP (of which Pete is fully familiar), which allowed me to have a little banter with a couple of former colleagues from the woolies days. It was on the way to the O2 that I got to make up for having skipped breakfast with a nice healthy Burger King. The show wasn't to start until 7:30pm, so I'm sure many of you are wondering why we left do darn early. To answer that, I'll explain that there's plenty to do at the former Millennium Dome, and we entertained ourselves by going to the cinema. We watched new comedy Your Highness, starring Danny McBride, James Franco, and the lovely Natalie Portman. There were memorable quotes galore in what was a very epic adventure comedy, such as 'Look at Courtney's new hair cut, doesn't it make him look like the tip off a cock', which gave us a new nickname for Andy in Courtney. I'm not exactly sure why, but from now on Andy shall be known as Courtney, and that's that.

Now, before the movie started I found myself needing the loo - having not been on my morning excursion to the lavatory what with rushing thanks to oversleeping. I'm not one for public toilets, and usually make visits to them as brief as possible. However, this was precarious situation, I'd become pretty uncomfortable and would not enjoy myself nearly as much if I attempted to hold it all in for the entire day, so I had suck it up (not literally), and do what a man sometimes has to do. I entered the men's room and as there was nobody around, I took the time to make a brief inspection of the facilities... I had a look at which of the cubicles was the cleanest, that the one I had chosen had a working lock and toilet paper, and that the dispensers above the sinks had a fresh supply of soap. With all of the above confirmed within half a minute, I placed some paper over the seats, and... well, you get the idea. While in this position, I couldn't help but wonder whether I was being over the top, and whether I was maybe crossing the boundaries into complete suffering of O.C.D. I came to the conclusion that either way, I was in a losing position, as I'm guessing that about half of you reading this think I'm insane for going through all of those checks and precautions, while the other half of you probably think I'm insane for using a public toilet in the first place - and to the women out there, trust me when I say that you can't imagine how much worse a men's room can be in comparison to how I'm imagining the ladies' to look.

After some drinks in Thai Silk and a tasty meal that sizzled like the sun in T.G.I. Friday, we made our way into the arena and found our seats, which although were close to the entrance stage, were to the side of it, meaning that we couldn't see the jumbo-screen. Thankfully there was nothing of note to see on the big screen during the telecast, however when going to a TV taping like this, when the crew were setting up for the next segment, they'd play a video on the screen to keep the fans entertained - all we could do was hear some sounds out of context, while looking out into the arena and seeing 20,000 people staring past us. Highlights of the night included a guy by the name of R-Truth turning bad and lighting up a cigarette, inciting a 'That's Illegal' chant from the masses, and a couple of thrilling, edge-of-our-seats matches.

The rest of the week seemed to disappear in a blur. I enjoyed the sunshine when I could, and worked a couple of shifts, one of which lasted for 11 hours, on what was a busy day indeed due to the company's schizophrenia causing us to have to change our systems every other week. I also attended a leaving night out for one of Stacey's (now former) colleagues. Suddenly it was Good Friday, and I had the day set aside for a visit from some relatives. We spent the day in the garden talking, drinking and jumping around on the trampoline. Saturday was spent at work again, and then I had my first Easter Sunday off in quite a few years. Easter Sunday happened to coincide with the 75th birthday of Stacey's Grandma, so the day was spent round her Uncle and Aunt's house. I tried beef wellington for the first time, which I'm sure you're all excited to read, and we spent a day talking and playing games. I hate the Best of British board game - because I lost - but love Articulate, because nobody can beat Stacey and me when we team up. We are The A-Team, even if Stacey had never heard of Asterix and Obelix....

...I'm hoping some of you readers actually know who these guys are, because I'm starting to think I may be the only person I know who's actually heard of them, let alone read their adventures in Primary School.

I'll end things here, as all I did on this day - Easter Monday - was kill a day at work... Oh, and I ate some ice cream, it was Ben and Jerrie's Phish Food, and it was yummy. Um, yeah.

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