My Christmas List

Dear Santa,

I'm not asking for much this year, just a few things to make my life a little bit easier this Winter.

1. A high powered flame thrower
This first request may sound like an odd, and potentially dangerous one, but I've only got good intentions with it I swear. What with all this snow reeking havoc upon our country, and making travel a real pain in the arse, a flame thrower sounds like the perfect solution to me. Think about it, as I'm walking along the path, I hold my flame thrower out in front of me and it will melt all that slippery ice away, meaning that I won't slip over. It would come in real handy when walking down the alley-way near my house,  as every time we've had snow, it becomes so compacted down there, that you can't get down it without ice skates.

I'd therefore become a local hero, as I'd clear all the paths, and allow everybody else to walk around too. But why stop there? Stacey has been stuck at my house for days now, as she hasn't been able to drive home along the dangerous roads. Even now that the main roads are more or less sorted, it is still going to be a struggle to get out of my neighbourhood, as our roads are more backstreet. What I believe is that I could safely attach my flame thrower to the front of any car that I'm travelling in, be it Stacey's or my own, and as we drive along, the road in front of us would clear a safe path for us to follow thanks to my trusty present.

With these reasons in mind, I hope that you, Santa, also feel that bringing me a flame thrower this Christmas is a good idea.

2. An extension to our house
Now I know that our house is a little crowded, so you're probably assuming that this extension that I'm proposing it to give us an extra bedroom, or perhaps another place to shower. Well Santa, if that's the case, you'd be wrong. What I want is a sauna, and a steam room. I've been feeling worse and worse the past few days due to the horrible cold weather, and I feel that a sauna is just what I need to help me feel better and to keep me warm over the chilly months still to come. While you're at it, could you also include an indoor swimming pool, as we could do with one of those to keep us cool in the summer, as well as to give us a fun form of exercise. With it being an indoor pool, we could also continue to use it during the Winter, at which time we could turn up the water temperature, so as to not get cold.

I hate the cold.....

3. A 'Cure anything' medicine
If any laboratory in the world could pull this off Santa, I know it'd be your one at the North Pole. See, I'm feeling rather run down and just plain ill today with a rotten cold, and just want to feel better. Your elves are a smart bunch, and if the movies are to be believed, can make anything, so I really want them to make this medicine for me, so that it can cure my common cold. As it could cure anything, it would also come in handy for the rest of my life, as illness comes in many forms, and is sometimes deadly. Therefore with my medicine, I'll never again have to suffer.

I originally imagined this medicine to take the form of a pill, but on second thoughts, I have decided that it should come as a liquid medicine. Growing up I have always enjoyed the taste of liquid antibiotics, Pixilix, Piriton, and of course my personal favourite: Calpol. So please make sure that this medicine also has a delicious, disease-killing flavour to it.

Thank you for reading my humble wish list Santa, I know that you'll come through for me. Have a safe flight later this month, and Merry Christmas.

From James, who promises that he has been very good this year.